The Sea of Sadness
There’s a sea of sadness within me. It feels bottomless, enormous…like an ocean of quiet tears.
Silent. Unwitnessed.
It behaves like a huge wave. Sometimes it wells forward, craving space. Then it retreats, slowly, becoming a distant shoreline…leaving little gemstones in the sand, lifting my spirit. Where do they come from, those gems? What’s in that ocean that produces such beauty of the soul?
I’ve only just started to know that sea, and to accept it as part of me. For a long time my inner child, Mia, was abandoned at the shoreline, crying her silent tears. Unseen even by me.
For a long time I didn’t see her…didn’t hear her crying. I caught glimpses of her, and she seemed happy to see me, but I was always just passing by, never having time to stop. I never stayed with her, never sat down with her by her shoreline. I didn’t see her tears, and I didn’t know how I could comfort her by my presence and my witness. You could say, there was an ocean between us.
One of my favorite poems from “The Lord Of The Rings” by Tolkien, Galadriel’s Song, speaks of this:
“...
Too long I have dwelt upon this hither shore,
And in a fading crown have twined the golden elanor.
But if of ships I now should sing,
What ship would come to me?
What ship would bear me ever back across so wide a Sea?
…”
I didn’t realize back then, that I yearned to sit by Mia, my inner child across the sea, estranged by me…and to feel and witness her tears.
It has taken a great part of my adult life to reconnect with her, and it has been a long journey. A journey that isn’t over by far, and that maybe has some of the better parts only just beginning. I now choose to give her, my inner child, her voice back. I’m letting her into the room, and she stands beside me as I tell her story, and mine.
But it’s also a story of discoveries yet to come, new gemstones to be found and cherished. Exploring that ocean, the unknown depths, where not only the monsters and the sadness live…but also the fire of the soul, creativity, real happiness and all those things that make life worth living…it’s the work of a lifetime. It never ends. It just becomes more exciting over time, as you discover and embrace the vastness of your soul.
Aura Nordica, the website and blog, is part of this journey of discovery. This is where I’m going to share how I discovered the microdosing of “magical mushrooms”, and the knowledge and experience this has brought into my life.
I was frozen and stuck in automatic responses and reactions to what happened around me in my own life, not getting anywhere. Sometimes thinking that I’d finally got it, but then slipping back into old patterns over and over again.
Now I’ve learned to understand and accept myself in ways that I never before thought possible.
In support of this self discovery I’ve worked extensively with inner archetypal symbology, in order to get to know and understand my own subconscious and the general conditioning of our human existence. I have used dream analysis underpinned by CG Jung, I have practiced Shamanic journeying according to Michael Haynes, have attended Hypnotherapy sessions offered to me through different practitioners, and through it all my longstanding companion, the Tarot, has remained a faithful ally. All of these different activities have contributed important pieces of understanding, and made it possible to experience my life from new horizons. It’s been groundbreaking, sometimes earthshattering, and has led me to profoundly re-examine and re-evaluate my personality and my life path.
Now, my question to you is this:
Where does your own ocean live?
What lives in its depths?
How does that sadness feel…and what does it cover?
I invite you to follow my journey, to find inspiration to explore the shores of your own consciousness, and the deep, deep seas of your soul.
Embrace the sadness, the anger, the confusion…and finally give your inner child the safe harbor she or he has been silently longing for all of your life.
There’s no yesterday and no tomorrow, only the here and now.